The Realisation of Enemy
I met with all the employees who were very empathetic towards me.
Concluding the warm conversations with the HR, she said, "I'm shocked to know this pervert man with such filthy intentions was working among us. No need to worry now, he's fired and his career is over. You can join us anytime you want to."
I politely refused and said, "I've been through too much for now. I'd rather take a break and settle down for now."
Manu was listening to the conversation. After the HR left, he quietly came into the conference room and said, "Why don't you want to join the company?"
I said, "It's a matter of self-esteem. These people are blinded by business so much that they fail to see the moral character of a person. Today one pest like Pandey would have easily survived being among these people, had you not intervened. So...I think it's wise to let this opportunity pass."
He said, "That...makes a lot of sense, but I'm here with you."
I said, "You won't be here all the time. You won't be here forever."
My inner goddess said the truth is nobody can stay in anyone's life like that forever. It is a matter of time when priorities change.
He paused for a moment and said, "Let's go, this isn't a place for us then.!"
After a 45 mins drive, we reached Dilli Hat, took our place. It was a bright sunny day, the birds chirping on the mighty tall eucalyptus trees, and the sun kissing the ground on a cold winter morning. It was a majestic experience of freedom I tasted that day, without any obligations, office duties or anything.
He came back after ordering a cup of hazelnut coffee and a sandwich. He said,"Now tell me about your family. I've been meaning to ask you about your family for a long time. What your dad does, what your mom is like, everything."
I said,"My dad is an accounts officer in a private company, mother is a librarian. Now my family history is pretty interesting. My grandmother raised my father alone, as my grandfather passed away when my father was 3 yrs old. But, entered my mother who seems to have issues. I never saw a day when she hasn't fought with my dad. I think she has a lot of expectations in life, unfulfilled ambitions, which makes her more chaotic from within. Though my father had tried to exceed her expectations, yet she has this demand that doesn't seem to end. And look now, he's dealing with kidney failure, his own spouse thinks he's a burden for her. I mean after putting his complete life in making her comfortable, a man gets this sort of abuse and disrespect."
Manu listened very carefully and said, "You should know the biggest enemy in your life is your mother. I can tell this because I have a massive story of my life that I'd like to share with you. This story has been buried inside me for years. It's like, I'm offering a piece of me to you. So, long before when I was 15, my elder sister got married to a great guy. Days after the marriage, I witnessed what someone would wish they'd never have. I saw an accident where a truck driver rammed into my parent's car. They were alive and trying to get out of the car, but the truck driver intentionally rammed it onto their bodies. My father, his body was in pieces when I reached, and my mother died on the spot. "
With a wet eye, he said," I later came to know that my grandfather was behind it. My bua, who is not the real sister of my father, but the wife of a palledar who worked for us. My father called her sister after her husband died, and raised me alongside her son. I later took revenge for his death. But trust me I know here this is going for you."
For a moment I was stunned. He confirmed what my inner goddess had always doubted. As middle class people, the idea of parents as Bhagwan has been glorified in shastras and the society ethics. But what about those parents, who ruin their families? I was in an inner conflict, watching my mother growing up with her, I realised her very action had been something of a sheer manipulation, which comes when one is ineligible to be in a family.
I said, "You could be right, if I think about it, the way she's raised me and raising my other siblings, it's a form of possession to prove her identity as a mother. Not because she wants to raise a generation of conscious individuals, but a generation who should be always indebted to her for her so-called sacrifices which she claims she's made. I can certainly relate to that."
Manu added, "She won't let you get married even anytime soon, let alone the possession, she's building a financial backbone for her vulnerable future."
I said,"How can you be so sure?"
He said," Watch the pattern, how much education have you completed?"
I said, "I've done my +2 in science, wanted to become an engineer in aeronautics and go for the IAF as a pilot. So I cleared the IIT entrance, but my father was in hospital and mother was rushing around, nobody could get along for counselling, I also gave AIEEE, secured a rank, still it didn't happen. So my mother made me give an entrance for Eng(Hons.) in DU, ran to several colleges, came in cut-offs, still no one went for counselling with me. That was my nani's intervention I always knew. Finally after all admission dates were exhausted, they asked me to pursue BBA from a local govt. college, which was not even my field of interest. I went 1 year to college, then joined an internship in standard chartered, and have been doing jobs since then, but I left that degree after second year. That wouldn't have served my purpose at all."
He said,"Did you ask her why she didn't go for your counselling?"
I said, "I did and she said that we don't have money to spend on an Engineering degree, where god knows when you'd get a job. Your other siblings also have to study. So I confronted her, then why ask me to study for these entrances and why pay for coaching when you couldn't afford the engineering? And then she had no answer for that."
He said, "A typical unplanned marriage and unplanned parenting which ruins the family. I've seen it before, it's not her, but those pulling the strings behind her. Who controls her decisions anyway?"
I said,"Yes, her own mother (nani) is the reason for chaos. She might not be at fault but my mother's mother pulls the strings and ruins families. She's controlling and wants to control everyone, this is exactly why my mother is chaotic, indecisive and has ruined her family life."
He said, " I knew it..I just wished it were different for you, but this isn't..!"
For a moment I just realised where this conversation was going. A deep silence fell in between and in that silence we were looking at each other, as if this was the last moment on earth. I knew I had someone who could be trusted as he validated my doubts, but something was quite amusing and mysterious about him, his appearance and his concerns.
After a moment, he said, ” You should leave your home, as soon as you can, this whole family environment will either suffocate you or leave you in chains. This isn’t a progressive environment to be in.”
It was like a stone crushed on my head, as this realization was bugging me for years now. Without any hesitation,I said, “How do you know what I have been thinking?”
He paused, and said, “I know life and I certainly know it better than you do. I’ve met an enormous amount of people, and I know how upper class societies work. I know the hypocrisy in which they burden their children and extract from them.”
I said,” Okay, let’s go now, it’s late and I need to be home by 5 PM.”
We left and this time, I was avoiding eye contact with him. It was as if someone had bruised my soul. The conversation was difficult and I was visiting the stalls of art works to distract myself. He dropped me at the bus station, and I reached home in 1.5 hours.
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